Welp, here I am, folks. In Maryland. Starting over. Again. Can I just set aside a little portion of this post to vent about what a difficult a time I’m having with moving–change in general, really. I’m a “get situated and chill” kind of girl. So, that’s what I was doing. Wrecking it at a community college, all types of effective in the classroom, getting raises and whatnot, and then, well, I made the decision to move with my family.
Okay so I’m done with venting. Now on to the avoiding. To get my mind off of how tremendously hard this move has been I’ve decided to dedicate the next few posts to reviewing good films and television. Stay tuned . . . I’ll try to be funny.
So yes, it’s 11:00, which for some folks isn’t that late. For me, it’s hella late, especially since I need to get up in five hours. My brain is absolutely stuffed with anxiety. Brimming! I’m eating a sleeve (the whole goddamned thing) of Girls Scouts Thin Mints, typing away. For all ya’ll night owls out there, here’s a cookie . . . for those nagging thoughts.
Do you ever look in the mirror and wish that you believed everything that came out of your face? Like just this morning I ran off at least three affirmations: “I’m winning.” “I can do everything I set out to do.” “I’m cute” (which I throw in there sometimes). Stuff like that. I mean, I switch it up, depending on how jacked up I am in a given area of my life. And, well, it sounds great when I hear it (which, by the way, is why I say the doggone affirmations). But then, that other, less scripted part of me (just to be clear, I write down the affirmations on my kid’s notebook paper and then read it aloud) steps in and gives it to me straight. I might be able to do this. I’m not completely losing. Maybe I’m cute (freaking gorgeous after a couple rum and cokes). That’s where I am. Not exactly pessimistic (nobody likes pessimists, so I wouldn’t own up to it even if I was one), but a little bit in the middle of darkness and possibility. Just saying . . .